Rest & Relaxation...?!?!

Hello loved ones!

Ok, so most of the posts I've written so far are a little intense and I decided that this week's post was going to be called 'The Silly Post'. Unfortunately, because my professor is in town, we're just too busy and I can't put the time in to make a fun/silly post. The silly post was going to have silly pictures and silly stories, but that will take some work so it will have to wait! Today I'm just going to post some fun pictures of me and my housemates engaging in some rest and relaxation.

This past weekend I went to swim and layout at a four star hotel with Daphne. I drank some vodka limeades and read Daph's funny magazines from Holland. Now I know all the famous royalty of the Netherlands! It was really nice to do some self-care and be away and relax. We really got rejuvenated lounging by the pool. Here are some pictures of the hotel:

This past weekend we also went to an amazing party. There's this guy, Alfred, who grew up at Botshabelo and now he works for the family and we have gotten pretty close. He's the one that picked me up at the airport! His girlfriend, Annmarie, had her 30th birthday at this awesome venue in Hekport (just a few kilometers away from Magaliesburg). He invited us and we got to spend an evening with some locals. This group of friends is especially progressive here in South Africa because with them blacks and whites exist and live amongst each other in a healthy way. This is so cool because they are the children of Apartheid and they're living in peace with one another. Anyways, we had such a good time! Enjoy these goofy pictures:

^^^ That's Daphne and I above. Niel's is the one in the black and red Hawaiian shirt making weird faces. Alfred is the one in the nice red button-down. Annmarie is the one in the black dress with the Heineken. Also, my lovely necklace was donated to me by someone at the party because I wasn't wearing any red and the party theme was red and black. I didn't exactly choose it, ha!

Sorry this post is short! I'll make a post of the safari pictures later this weekend.

Love you all,
Christy

Heart & Head Work

Hello and Happy (belated) Valentines Day everyone! Thank you Holly and Leah for your sweet Valentines emails. 

I chose to call this blog entry Heart & Head Work. It's pretty cheesy and social worky. But, at Botshabelo I am just doing so much more than working on social work stuff (grants, forms, projects, etc). I'm also growing into a better person! It's so fun/terrifying/unexplainable. So, Botshabelo is heart work AND head work. Being a good social worker means doing a lot of self-assessment. If you are working in social work, avoiding introspective thought is half-assing your education/credentials. It just doesn't work. It's like a flower vase without the flowers. Yuck.

Ok, so I'm going to give a little update on my work progress. On Wednesday I began managing this awesome dentistry project! Botshabelo got chosen to have a mobile dentist clinic come visit for an entire 3 weeks! I wish I had gotten some pictures of this but I was too busy organizing the kids to get teeth cleanings this week that I was just not able to take any. I'll have to post some next week. Most of the children here have never been to the dentist and we are providing them their first teeth cleaning, toothbrush, and tube of toothpaste. It's soooooo cute to watch them sit in the chair and get their teeth worked on. Most of them giggle the entire time because they're so excited. Some kids just cry. This week and next week will be organizing all 250 kids at the school to get cleanings. The last week we will be doing operations and teeth extractions. I need to figure out a way to make this project sustainable. I think these next few weeks I'm going to have to work out some sort of negotiation so the dentist can come back once a year. 

Also, yesterday I went up to Johannesburg with Pauline (she's in my video) and we took some of the children who are HIV+ to the Women and Children's Hospital for their ARV* refill and check-up. The hospital has a special program called ECHO (Enhancing Children's HIV Outcomes) that provides ARVs and helps us take care of the kids at Botshabelo. 

  

*ARV (antiretroviral therapy):

Standard antiretroviral therapy (ART) consists of the combination of at least three antiretroviral (ARV) drugs to maximally suppress the HIV virus and stop the progression of HIV disease. Huge reductions have been seen in rates of death and suffering when use is made of a potent ARV regimen, particularly in early stages of the disease. Furthermore, expanded access to ART can also reduce the HIV transmission at population level, impact orphanhood and preserve families.

Source: World Health Organization (WHO)

This particular hospital we went to was really really nice and everyone was so friendly. I was in charge of one of the babies and I had to be present during her check-up to give her information and hold her while they did blood work. This baby is six and she is in my 1st grade class. She's the child I mentioned in the previous blog. I've grown really close to her and she's just one of the children I've really connected to here. She’s doing so well! Her t-cell count (what determines the severity of the virus) is stable and she is at a healthy weight. Unfortunately, when it was time to get her blood drawn she was so scared. She just began sobbing when we walked into the blood room. I held her on my lap and hummed songs and kissed her forehead. You know, a 6-year-old just shouldn't have to live with HIV. It was jarring to see her blood slurp up into the vial because I kept thinking about how that liquid determines her livelihood. Something so tiny makes such a big impact. After her blood was drawn she ate candy and listened to my ipod. I turned on Madonna's "Lucky Star" and we danced in the waiting room. 

We also took a new resident of Botshabelo, a girl who I think is probably my age... 20-25 years, to the hospital. She has a 1 month-old baby girl who is really really sick and almost died the night before. We took them to the maternity ward to get assessed because the mother was feeling sick as well. It turns out they are both HIV+ and had to be admitted into the hospital for a few days. While we waited for the other kid's ARVs to be refilled I just sat with her and rubbed her back. She didn't really say much. Obviously, she was really upset... her new baby almost died, she just found out they BOTH have HIV, and she has no family. Botshabelo is now her family. It was an intense moment sitting with her, consoling her, and trying to convince her she can live a normal life with HIV. I have a snapshot of this moment in my mind and I have been playing it over and over in my head ever since.
It goes like this: She was crying and leaning over the hospital bed to hold her baby's hand and I looked at her and said, 'Yeah... HIV is going to be a challenge, but it's a challenge that you can live with if you fight for it. Are you a fighter?' and she just stared at me like I was insane. She gave me this who-the-fuck-are-you? face. Like, how do you know about living with HIV? Who are you to ask if I'm a fighter? Needless to say - I shut up real fast. My little social work pedestal of pride was knocked down. I just cannot empathize with her on deep level because our lives are too different. Our immediate struggles are the polar opposite.
Anyways, I will pick her up on Sunday with Pauline. Fingers crossed that baby makes it through the weekend. I will also have to arrange for her to get a mentor at Botshabelo to help teach her how to take care of herself and her health now that she will be doing ARV treatments as well.

So, yes. That was an exhausting trip.

OH – I have a new roommate! Daphne, from the Netherlands, has come to Botshabelo to help volunteer. We share a room and I LOVE her. She’s 19 and has been working as an au pair in Amsterdam. I’ll post pictures of us eventually. I’m hoping she’ll travel with me and the other UT student (who’s placed in Cape Town) during Spring Break to Durban, Victoria Falls, or Kruger National Park.

My professor/faculty liaison, Tammy, comes next Thursday (Feb 21^st). We are also going to travel and do safaris and I can’t wait!! I'm going to see baby elephants! and baby cheetahs! and baby everything! I love it I love it.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy this poorly made video. It's about 4 minutes long and took over an hour to download. South African internet is suhhhh sloooo:

And of course pictures. These are pictures taken by the kids. So, it's a little view from their eyes. 

I hope you all are enjoying the blog! Please e-mail me or Facebook message me any comments or questions.

Much love,
Christy

Growing Pains

Dumela! That means hello in Tswana.

Time for some updates. This week it was decided I would now be teaching 1^st grade! One of the 1^st grade teachers is very sick and I am her replacement. So, in addition to the schoolwork, papers, projects, and writing I have to complete for UT and Botshabelo – I also get to be a teacher from 7am till 2pm! The biggest hurdle so far has been the language barrier. Most of the kids speak Tswana (they learn English by about 3^rd grade). I am trying to learn as much Tswana as I can ASAP. I have 21 kids in my class. Here are some of their names: Modise, Ikomatseng, Busi, Boitumelo, Lucky, Paballo, Puseleto, Jessica, Given, Thato, Monty, Naledi, Alex, Thembi, Mviko, Dineo, Gift, Gosego, and Obakeng.

This week we went on a nature walk around the village and up the mountain. We stopped and rested at the Wishing Pile I mentioned in the previous blog. To get to the Wishing Pile we had to go through the cemetery. As we were going through the cemetery some of the children would stop and be like, “this is my Dad” or “this is my Mom”. That sort of caught me off guard. It was really strange to see these kids hugging a gravestone and being like, “yes, this is my parent”. I wanted to just sit down and cry. I felt so sad.

Before our nature walk Marion was telling me some of the children’s stories and it was so intense. I found out one of my favorite kids is HIV positive because she was raped when she was two. A man broke into her mother’s house and raped both of them in the middle of the night. ALL of the kids at Botshabelo have stories like that… Stories so disgusting and horrific that I have a hard time fathoming they’re even real (but they are so so so painfully real).

SO, here I am getting all teary-eyed on this nature walk, watching all these kids be so brave and I just wanted to go home and sleep. I was overwhelmed that morning. At that moment in time I just wanted to escape because it was too much. I felt myself wanting to get on online and busy myself with school and e-mail... or eat... or drink a very very large beer. Man, I just wanted a cigarette.  My mind just immediately began to think of ways to escape. Standing on that mountain I had to do some self-talk. I thought:

-       I need to recognize my natural urge to want to escape (and that it’s not healthy)

-       I need to recognize that the emotions I am feeling are uncomfortable

-       I need to recognize that it’s ok to be uncomfortable

-       I need to recognize that by being in this moment I am learning about strength and resilience

-       I need to recognize that these kids are my responsibility and I need to refocus my energies on them right now

So… I did. I spent time in the moment and proceeded on. We finished our nature walk without anyone fighting or getting hurt and I got some beautiful pictures. Success!

The following pictures are actually of the nature walk and of a time when we picked flowers for the sick teacher.

At Botshabelo everything is magnified. Life, death, sickness, joy, confusion, sadness, clarity and happiness are all experienced in a day. Being part of this unique community is teaching me so much.

In her book, The Places That Scare You, Pema Chodron writes, “When we practice generating compassion, we can expect to experience the fear of our pain. Compassion is daring. It involves learning to relax and allow ourselves to move gently towards what scares us… Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness can we then be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity”.

Botshabelo has forced me to do an inventory of the things I wanted to leave at home. I work on my shame, fear, and pain everyday. At Botshabelo we cry when we’re sad, rejoice when we’re happy and we all do it together. There is a cyclical relationship of giving and taking.

What I have learned about community here has forced me to think about community at home. It’s a concept I have been giving a lot of thought.

Back home I have a family – a complicated, messy, beautiful family. They are simultaneously a challenge and a blessing. With their influence, I am growing, day-by-day, into the woman I’m supposed to be. Everyday their love and support (however they may show it) pumps life into my heart and soul. They are the bread and butter. Alongside my family is the other family I’ve created myself. These are the people I live with and have chosen to engage in strong, intimate friendships with (you know who you are). This self-created family is also an integral part of the soul-shaping process and without them I would be so so so alone. Then of course, there are the friends and acquaintances that I choose to give time and energy to, people that I can learn from and grow with. All these relationships are important and all serve different purposes. The point I am trying to make is: without my community I would be a very sad, very lost, and very empty person.

I can already hear some of your arguments -

'we have to know who we are!'

'we have to do self-exploration!'

'other people can’t decide who we are or who we’re going to be! blah blah blah!

Well… duh.

You see… recently someone told me, “You need to be alone”. They were referring to not being in a relationship. I think this person was suggesting the idea that knowing yourself and growing means you can be better prepared for a significant relationship in the long run. I agree! (that’s not exactly breaking news, you know?) But, this person continued to press the idea of being alone and started to glorify the concept of ‘aloneness’, or as I will call it, ‘self-reliance’. This person was suggesting a weakness in ‘needing’ someone or ‘needing’ connection. Let me be blunt --- being humble in your ability to self-rely and be alone is a big ‘ole slice of bullshit pie! So, eat it up if you want to be miserable and unfulfilled. If you run from connection and love, you are running from life. Connection is like air. As humans, we are biologically hardwired for connection, love, and community.

I encourage all of you who are trapped in the lie of self-reliance to reach out and commit yourself to an experience that shows you the freedom of connection and community. Because, that is the bravest thing of all… to be vulnerable, authentic, and honest AND expect the same from others. I am by no means suggesting codependence. I also don’t want to ignore the importance of faith and spirituality (because those are DEFINITELY tied into all of this as well). I am just suggesting that you feel the hollow promise of self-reliance and then assess your connections and assess your heart.

“Honorable” aloneness is false. Friendships, relationships, all those ships – they are the sustenance of the soul.

And that's what I'm learning at Botshabelo. 

I love you all,

Christy

Settling In

Two weeks have gone by since I have arrived at Botshabelo. You know the feeling of time on a vacation? Time seems to be racing by, but then you have all these different memories that linger and slow things down. Is it fast or is it slow? I can't really tell. I can hardly remember what day it is.

I have had access to internet maybe three times. I’ve had about 5 minutes to figure out bank stuff, research how to make my phone work, and check my bank account… and to e-mail my Dad, promising I was alive. So, I apologize for not answering any e-mails.

Alright, I have a lot to talk about.

On January 18^th I arrived at 9:00pm at Botshabelo and everyone was asleep. I had been picked up in Johannesburg by two men from Botshabelo, Witness and Alfred. I did a money exchange at the airport to change my US currency to the South African Rand (R). I'll take pictures of it eventually, or just look it up. The money here is so cool because Nelson Mandela's face is on EVERYTHING. Like every coin, dollar, everything. Nelson Mandela, lions, elephants. It's the coolest currency I've ever seen.

Anyways, I got to my cabin and met my roommate, Niels. He is a carpenter from Holland that has come to Botshabelo for 6 months to start a carptentry school. He has a handful of students, mostly older boys, that he teaches. 

Here are pictures of our treehouse:

Niels and I have our own bedrooms and we share a bathroom. There is a large room in front where the kitchen is. We have a fridge, stove, oven, and coffee pot. The coffee pot is my favorite part of our kitchen. We make pretty good meals! 

The first day here they found a baby cobra in the pool. Botshabelo management (my boss, Marion) proceeded to get it out with a piece of bamboo. Before she flicked the snake into a bucket she called up to all of us around the pool watching, “If it bites me, remember you have 10 to 15 minutes to get me to the hospital before I die... that of course depends on how strong my heart is”. 

The second day after I arrived, a man from the village named Christmas died. He had full-blown AIDS and chose not to take medicine. He, instead, insisted on natural treatments only. They were carrying his body around the village when I woke up and had a memorial service for him in the evening. During the service everyone chanted and sang and shouted out memories. Literally, people would take turn screaming stories about him. The memorial service proceeded until 3 am. Then at 8am the next morning  they buried him in the Botshabelo cemetery. The cemetery here is positioned on the side of a mountain and when you get to the top you can see the entire Gaunteng province. I'll be sure to take pictures, because it's insanely beautiful.

After a few days in Botshabelo, the family that started Botshabelo (Marion, Con, their daughters Leigh, Nicole, and Shanna) took me on a hike up the mountain with the cemetery. When we reached the cemetery, we then sat around a pile of rocks called the ‘Wishing Pile’ and made wishes for each other, adding a new rock for each wish. It was a beautiful and intimate induction into the family and the village. I put one rock on the Wishing Pile to show my gratitude for my new family at Botshabelo and for the family I left in America. It felt good to be received.

Anyways, I think I’ll share some pictures of the kids. They are all really awesome. I’ve been able to learn a bunch of their names, but it’s incrediably hard. Their names are Zulu or Tswana, and pronouncing them is next to impossible, let alone memorizing them. Every now and then a kid has a Western name, and those are the ones I tend to remember the best. I found three little girls here named Leah, Jessica, and Katie. All names of friends back home! I took pictures of them for the American Leah, Jessica, and Katie to see.

Jessica on the left, Leah in the middle, Katie at the far right. They aren't even friends but I forced this picture and it looks adorable:

Ok, here are the kids at night. We were dancing and hanging out this past Saturday before bed and I got some cute pictures. Excuse the pictures, but they were taken in a dark dusty room:

Here are the kids playing after school. I'll also throw in swimming pictures and random Botshabelo shots:

Anyways, so far I have my work cut out for me. I have a couple projects I am going to be working on. First, Marion has me working on writing a grant for a new roof & floor for the school. I have to manually measure the roof this week… by myself. Also, she has me working on a genealogy project. Basically, we are going to create really elaborate genograms of the children here and travel around South Africa to track their families down. OH - I even have a client (which is not exactly my focus or study in social work, but I'm happy)! Unfortunately, I can’t really talk about her because of confidentiality reasons… but I promise, working with her is amazing! It’s exactly the type of work I want to do when I come home and look for a job.

What else…

Oh, the kids call me Christine (but they spell it ‘Christin’ on the drawings and letters they give me). Niels calls me Christina (he says he doesn’t like the name Christy). And the family calls me Christina or Christy depending on the situation. Sometimes the really little kids call me Christinie. Haha… also, the kids told me that if I ever need to take my tattoos off (they call them stickers) all I have to do is rub them with milk. One little girl named Lunca traces her fingers down the viens in my arm everyday. I am the first white person she's ever been really close to and she likes to inspect things. Sometimes when I’m not paying attention, the girls will make these super tiny braids in my hair that I only find when I’m in the shower trying to wash my hair. I end up just pulling chunks of hair out because the braids are so tight and small.

So... I thought that living in an all black township would be more difficult to adjust to, but I hardly notice. Well, until little things happen that remind me... like toddlers stroking my hair in amazement and kids picking at my freckles. But honestly, before I came to Botshabelo, I was ready to make this big cultural adjustment and I was prepared to get use to being one of the few white people around. The problem is, my anglo-saxon pastiness is hardly part of my personal identity, so I sort of forget I'm white. This is probably white privilege talking, but my indifference to my own color has basically left race a nonissue.

WAIT, I take that back. I remember I'm white when we dance.

In other news, this weekend I got severely dehydrated and had to take a little visit to the doctor/hospital. I don’t really know which it is because the sign outside the building just said ‘SURGERY’. Dr. Lawrence gave me electrolyte packets and nausea medicine and sent me on my way. I’m feeling much better now! 

Internet is expensive and scarce here, but I will do my best to do weekly updates! I miss everyone. I think about everyone before I go to sleep.

I love you all,

Christy